Writers Beware: Epidemic Rages
by Lindy Rymill

The agency PITS (Peculiar Illnesses Threatening Society) has identified a new strain of the disease Writeritis. Reaching epidemic proportions, surpassing even Listservitis and the ever-pesky Lettertoeditoritis is

Picbookitis [pic - buk - i - tis]

Particularly at Risk: Female bibliophiles with young children.

Carrier Bugs: Generally transmitted by the lookseasy, one elderly victim reports raging inflammation after only a brief encounter with the teensy and usually safe readtome fly.

Indication of Bite: A slight swelling or reoccurrence of the thought "I could have written this" or, indicative of the more aggressive strain, "I write better than this."

Symptoms:

• Early Signs: Step-like mounds of how-to books flank your bed. Ladybug and Ranger Rick share your bath.
• Serious Infection: In search of a recipe, you reach for Horn Book, not Betty Crocker. Ready to cook, you open your laptop. Your mother calls questioning the SASE in her birthday card.
• Severe Contraction: Your doctor is concerned about the growing misalignment of your spine, and suggests your heavy shoulder bag is the culprit. You explain four dictionaries, two thesauri, and twelve notebooks are an absolute necessity and change doctors.

Disease Progression: SCBWI spills from your mouth without tongue entanglement and you regularly communicate in a language perplexing to common folk. "At the ABA, I met a ALAer whose last YA got 3 stars in PW so I showed her my F&Gs and we crit mss. over lunch."

Pain Relievers: Warning: side effects are unpredictable, and may inflict greater pain. Vary dose, frequency, and combination to determine what works for you.

Agent, Critique Groups, Conferences, Library Lounging, Long Walks, Playground Participation, Sabbatical from your day job, Ten "original and compelling" manuscripts in circulation

Only Known Treatment: Write

Remission Probability: Several victims have reported extended periods of relief after signing multiple-book contracts. One male (writing from Niagara Falls) touts his method, "marry a publisher."

Cure: None known. The lucky die with it.

This article first appeared in the Sept/Oct 2001 issue of the SCBWI-Michigan News and may not be reprinted without permission from the author. Lindy may be contacted at writelindy@comcast.net.

Lindy Rymill is the author of GOOD KNIGHT, a picture book (Henry Holt, 1998), and editor of www.kidsbooklink.org.